undereli's Blog

After a long hiatus I returned to E.P. to find . . .

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Life Not Deliving Any Good Stuff Lately

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I'm a WWE Fan

Oh, well!  I'll admit to watching "sports entertainment," as they call it now, off and on for over 30 years.  I guess I went through a long stint of not watching, but I've been back on the bandwagon for quite a few years again, ever since I got a T.V. again, which was back in '08 I think. 

To me it's a harmless passtime.  I actually fall asleep watching it pretty habitually now, which is funny.  Anyway, I'm only mentioning this because I'm looking forward to watching RAW tomorrow.  And the Royal Rumble is only a couple weeks away, and I'm half-committed to going to a theatre to watch it this year.  It's my favourite wrestling event of the year.

Not sleeping

I managed to sleep for just a while tonight.  Instead of sleeping through the night, however, I woke after just a few hours, and now I doubt I'll be able to get back to sleep again.  I have to get up early tomorrow to see my doctor about refilling my prescription.  I had an appointment next week, but realized yesterday I didn't have enough pills to see me through until then.  These are anti-depressants, and my doctor recently raised my dosage.  I'd gotten a lot more depressed after not being able to find work for what will soon be one whole year.  My doctor said the next time he gave me a refill he would add a sleeping pill too, so that should help.  I'm studying to be an insurance agent, but my wacky sleep schedule -- more a lack of a schedule -- is going to be an impediment if I don't get it under control.  I'm also concerned about an E.P. friend who is having a difficult time right now.  Anyway, I'm going to try to get more sleep.

Applying for work outside my area of residence

Lately, I've been writing about my lack of success in looking for work.  Ever since writing about the possibility of looking outside of Vancouver's Lower Mainland region for work, the idea has given me a glimmer of hope.  My searches now include other regions of the province, and I'm not feeling so insecure about going elsewhere, as I plan for those position to be temporary.  I sent out one application to Kelowna this morning, and already received a response.  And Kelowna isn't that far away either.

So, I'll keep my fingers crossed.  Anything to help keep myself motivated.

My Weekend Wore Me Out

It's Monday morning, and I so feel like I need a holiday!  As always, Saturday is reserved for visiting my daughter.  We had a fabulous day together, with great weather, too.  We visited the library, and she actually got out a couple books we could read together.  She's in a phase now, and has been for a while, where she doesn't like reading together anymore.  She'd rather read her own books by herself.  I miss our reading together.  Anyway, we took out a couple books, then took the car through a car-wash, which is something she'd been been asking me to do with her for a long time.  After that we went to a playground, threw a beach ball back and forth and read the two books.  We had dinner at her grandma's place, and then, suddenly, the day was over.  It had been great.

Yesterday, I spent the bulk of my time sending out applications for work, and feeling miserable about the whole process.  It's been eight months since I've had a job, and, despite having some really good interviews I haven't been hired.  That weighs on me a lot.  I've tentatively planned to visit my employment counsellor today for some advice, and maybe call back one of the companies that interviewed me last week for tips on how to improve my interview skills. 

But, man, oh man!  I just feel worn out.  I have some cool books from the library, so I may take some time out today to sit on my balcony and read.  But the beat goes on, you know?  The need to find a job is like a basketball I'm not allowed to stop dribbling until I've found a job.

My Inner Smart-Ass Wants to Wish Everyone A Merry Christmas. Sorry.

Note:  this was originally a response to a blog by an old friend of mine, whom I hadn't heard from in a long time.  When I finished I realized I shouldn't keep it to myself.  Some editing has occurred, and specific names have been removed to protect all guilty parties: 

I thought I felt something was awry when I woke up.  At first I assumed it was just turbulence between the magnetic poles of the earth and the sun, threatening to short out half the transformers and leaving us in darkness.  Then I logged on here discovered the real reason.  

In answer to your question, and to help alleviate your boredom, the last 48 hours haven't been good.  I ran out of meds and discovered, when I went to pick up my refill, that my doctor hadn't faxed the form needed to cover my prescription costs.  So, Merry Christmas your arse, indeed.  I've already sent a letter to Santa, complaining about this.  Since the North Pole is "technically" Canadian, however, I anticipate the letter being intercepted by Canada Post, who will redirect to Canada's Federal Health Minister, who will read the contents to the Prime Minister, who will contact Satan to put in a kind word for me.  Ass holes!  

The last two days I've been using an older prescription to keep myself from getting depressed while I get this coverage b.s. sorted out -- during the weekend, no less.  Well, I can see why I stopped taking these old meds, as they've left me feeling so hazy and groggy it's all I can do to get up and do anything at all.  

And if that's not enough for you, National Geographic Channel is now airing "It's The End of The World" weekend special, and the Cartoon Channel -- which I assume is for kids -- is showing the (late 1990s) cult movie "Fight Club," -- which isn't for kids.  WTF is going on?!!!  This is bound to get us all in the Christmas spirit, right?  Sometimes I don't have to wonder why I feel like I'm going crazy.  I can pick up my regular meds in the morning, thank God.
My mood: very cynical

I'm Learning to Hate My First Dump of The Day

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I Have My Work Cut Out For Me

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Sleeping Through The Night

Remember what it used to be like, when you could sleep through the entire night?  Instead of waking up at four or five in the bloody morning, and logging on just to see if someone left something for you here?  Like a lump of coal?

Didn't think so.  I can't either.  Oh, well!
My mood: pretty hungry

Oh! How unfairly distracting this site has become.

Lately my attention has been cleverly diverted every time I log on here.  Why?  The upper right hand corner is dedicated to advertising, and so often the ad I see is for  It isn't the advertiser that grabs my attention, though.  The accompanying image is for the sale of stockings and hose.  It isn't a fetish of mine, but -- darnit! -- I do have a weak spot there.  Stockings and pantyhose, in my opinion, do nothing but enhance a woman's appearance, and I always notice that extra touch (figuratively speaking) when I notice someone wearing them.  To boot, what healthy man isn't distracted by six pairs of shapely female legs in a row, decked out in their various shades of nylon?  Man, oh man!  Makes me think of Christmas.  I know all female members on this site have those same shapely legs too, right?  And I thought I've kept coming back to this site so I can write?

I'd better stop while I'm ahead, before I get tossed into the "perv" bin, which is worse than a mosh pit, and where I don't belong. 

The movie "Lincoln"

I saw the movie "Lincoln" yesterday. Without giving any of it away, I thought it was an excellent film, and highly recommend it to people who enjoy intense emotional drama in their movie.


Broken Hearted

This, too, shall pass, I know.  Right now I simply feel like a shmuck.  So soon after it all started it's all over.  i wanted to believe we had something special and lasting, but that wasn't the case.  I'm not going to talk about the reasons that mighty spark fizzled.  Blame is silly.  It's true I didn't want to see what was in front of my eyes, of the obstacles that stood in the way of my making what was there long-lasting.  I will say the fact I cope (successfully) with depression, and an unfortunate personal lapse in my own routine dealing with it, played a hand in our very short romance ending.

And so . . .  Life continues . . .

More Groups To Belong To -- Yayy!!

I'm very thankful to my E.P. friends for one special reason.  Without their profiles I wouldn't have joined so many experiences here.  I never set out to belong to so many.  Sometimes my joining a group these days is more of a joke played on myself.  I do not mean to belittle any experiences here, but I like joining groups now that portray a high degree of irony and humour, like "I think my heart has stopped beating now."  Well, obviously my heart hasn't stopped . . . at least not yet.  Knock on wood.  Whether I actually write a story there, or just squat in that space 'til the cows come home is something I may or may not consider.

However, back to what I was saying.  Even when my friends have put their accounts in vacation status, I can still browse their profile and find a swath of groups I haven't heard about yet.  Some are so ingenious and original I can't help but dive into the shallow end, amoung the large rocks and strong tide.  It's how I really took off after joining E.P., by raiding my E.P. friends' experience bureaus, and how I keep my intrigue up around here, amoung other things.

Getting some of the chores done on my day off

If we want to get technical, I really don't have two full days off.  My weekend begins at 7:30 a.m. Monday, when my shift ends, and finishes at 11:30 p.m. Wednesday night.  So I have one full day off, and nearly two full days, although a good portion of Monday and Wednesday are spent sleeping.  One good thing is that my days never change.  I work the same schedule day-in and day-out, week after week, so there's no guess-work about when I get to be myself again.

Monday afternoons and early evenings are devoted to my daughter.  I only see her once per week, and our get-togethers that are very important to both of us.  I asked if I could have a Sundays off instead of Tuesday, but it couldn't be worked out.  Every front-desk agent gets two consecutive days off – which is very nice of our employer – and if I took Sunday off instead, it would have screwed up someone else’s weekend.  For now I'm lucky to have two consecutive days off, and a fixed schedule, so I'm not complaining.  That leaves Tuesday to try to get some chores and housework done.  If I absolutely have to, I'll do the laundry Wednesday morning, before trying to sleep during the day.

Today, Tuesday, I was determined to take my bottles into the depot as well.  I'd been collecting them for some time, and they'd really piled up.  I had four medium-sized, 30" x 38" plastic bags full of cans and plastic bottles, and three boxes full of glass liquor and Snapple bottles.  I used to have six bags of bottles and cans, but one day after work I motivated myself to take two down to the depot.  I got back about $8.70 or so for those. 
The thing is, I live in a studio apartment, and nearly all of my shelf space is already being used, so the bottles end up sitting in my living room.  Yeah, I know it's unsightly.  I'm the only one who has to look at them, though, and it's my choice to let them linger.

Well, I woke up early this morning, and then went back to bed around 8:30.  I wasn’t sure what time the depot opened, but I hadn't got myself ready anyway.  I slept for a couple hours, I think, and then was up again for a couple more hours.  This time I remembered to take my anti-depressant (which is important).  That wiped me out, though, and around twelve-something-or-other I laid down again. 

I awoke around 3:00 and knew if I was going to return my bottles I had to get my ass in gear.  I’d put them all my car the night before, but they weren’t going to drive down and cash themselves in on their own, were they?  I threw on a t-shirt, shorts, socks and shoes (it’s September, and still warm), grabbed my keys, wallet and shopping bags, and off I went. 

Before doing anything I drove four blocks to Burger King, and used a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for two Whoppers.  No way was I going to get anything done without sustenance.  Of course, no matter how carefully I handled them while I drove, both burgers dutifully dripped and partially collapsed onto my white t-shirt.  What can I say?  It’s a bachelor’s life.

I took my bottles to the Metrotown return-it centre, which is six-and-a-half kilometers (just over four miles) from my place.  There’s another depot about a dozen blocks from my place, but I don’t like it as much.  I’ve gone to the Metrotown depot for years.  It’s spacious, indoors(!!), and I’ve always got good service there.  After sorting everything and cashing them in, I was $25.00 richer.  So all those bottles, together, netted me just under $34.00!  Not spectacular, but not shabby either.

After that I drove the short distance to Superstore at Metrotown Shopping Mall to buy groceries.  I’d checked my shelves before I left to get some idea of what I needed, since I hadn’t made a list.  I usually do better with lists, but I wasn’t going to trust my tired mind to get one done quickly before leaving.  Anyway, I controlled my impulses pretty well, skipping all the ice cream (there was still half of a container left in my freezer) and self-serve bins of caramel popcorn, jelly-beans, and chocolate-covered goodies.  I got two bags of cookies, though, since they were on sale, and I can use them for my lunches at work.  And I skipped the large ready-made pies, but caved over an 8” pie for $3.47 (this is in Canada, folks – where things are more expensive – and in B.C., too, where they’re more expensive again).  Needless to say, I bought Coke, which is my one big indulgence.  But instead of overloading on other sweets (like that isn’t enough), I bought oranges, strawberries, and kiwi.  One-hundred and sixty-some-odd dollars later, my groceries and I were heading back home. 

After putting away the frozen and refrigerated items I took it upon myself to get one more thing accomplished:  my laundry.  I’ve been blogging and drinking the obligatory Coke as it’s gone through both the washers (two separate loads) and dryers.  I’ve even folded my work shirts.  The rest gets pulled out of my basket on an as-needed basis.  I belong to a group here in E.P. about that experience, too. 

Now I’m contemplating a very late dinner, but somehow doubt it’ll materialize.

I don’t really dread doing chores.  It’s just a matter of turning off my entertainment distractions and making me do them.  Once I get going I’m all right.  Thing is – and everyone else knows this, too – if I don’t do them they don’t get done.  Like taking the bottles in?  It’s something ingrained in me by my parents, who always saved their bottles for the depot.  As they sit in my living space it looks like a hassle, but it’s one of those things that has to get done.  Besides, the money goes towards paying for some of my daughter’s school activities. 

So I’m giving myself a pat on the back for spending the time to get (some) of my chores accomplished.  I’ve you’re still with me, I thank you for reading.

My little toes

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The darkness is coming

It's my depression again.  I was doing fine at work tonight, then something as simple as my routine getting mixed up and not being able to accomplish my tasks the way I'm used to had left me doubting everything about myself.  I'm suddenly very hard on myself for all of the things I'm not accomplishing rather than remembering all of the good things I'm doing, like holding down a steady job, finding work at a hotel, which I'd longed for for so long, and being a good father to my daughter.  Then depression starts to creep in, the feeling like -- despite everything I am doing and living the life I've chosen and upholding my convictions and values -- I'm simply not a good enough man or person.  Why am I not working harder at fixing all the other things that are wrong in my life?  How long can I stand myself like this?

Time to clean up my clutter

After these four or so years of coming around here I've wound up where i didn't think I would.  That is, with 900 E.P. categories on my luggage dolly.  Nine-hundred!!    

S I G H ! !  

I've only myself to blame.  I was away for a while, and since returning I've met some interesting new friends with cool experiences that I wanted to join, too.  Even those in my circle, who've been there through thick and thin, belong to cool experiences I thought I belonged to, or at least wanted to be a part of.  Seems each time I turn around I'm looking through another member's profile and thinking "Hey, I never thought of it like that before.  Cool."  Perhaps you know what I'm talking about?  I could give examples, but you only have to glimpse through my profile to get the picture, right?

I'm in the process of making a legible list of all of them, because I know for a fact there's a lot of overlap.  For example, I know I belong to the group "I am a kind and caring person," but there's probably half-a-dozen other groups with similar sentiments, and where the idea is clearly the same my intention is to sweep 'em out.

I'm not saying there should be a llimit on how many groups one should belong to.  That would be rude and just plain wrong of me.  If someone wants to define themselves here with fiteen hundred or fifteen thousand categories I say the more power to you.  What I'm doing is for me and me alone. 

I'm not setting a target as to how many I think I should clear out, only that the amount I have now is, for me, too many.  When people look through my profile I hope they come away with -- oh, I don't know.  Is it really important?  People will take away whatever they will, and hopefully be happy with the time they spent.  What I don't want is for my profile to seem too massive and daunting.  When they open my door, I don't want a mountain of experiences to come spilling over them like a tidal wave.  I'm a little tidier than that. My mood: pretty content

Out of hand parties by people who never grew up

Last Sunday at work (August 4, 2012), we had the wedding party from hell at my hotel.  The guests and their friends returned from the reception already drunk and with about 30 kilo-litres of booze still to be consumed.  Our hotel shuttle accomodates seven, and it required three trips to get everyone who didn't already have a car. 

These people wouldn't let up.  They kept up the noise for a couple hours, at least.  Well into the night.  This lead to half-a-dozen complaints from other hotel guests trying to sleep and evicting guests' friends from their room.  Finally we had to call the police to get people to leave.  In the middle of the night, it was only myself and one other desk agent to cull everyone, which made me a little uneasy.  Things could have gotten way out of hand, after all.

I'm thinking about this, one week after the fact, as there's a group of hockey parents in our breakfast room whooping it up.  They're kids in adult bodies.  Thankfully they're keeping the partying to the breakfast room and not all over the hotel.  But it still makes me feel uneasy.  Maybe I've just gotten too old?

The title said it almost

I had a start as I reviewed the titles of categories I belong to.  Although original, when had I joined "I love the smell of things in a relationship?"  After a second I realized it was actually 'the small things,' and not 'the smell of things.' 

1-20 of 70 Blogs   

Previous Posts
After a long hiatus I returned to E.P. to find . . ., posted December 27th, 2014
Life Not Deliving Any Good Stuff Lately, posted June 30th, 2014
I'm a WWE Fan, posted January 13th, 2014
Not sleeping, posted August 15th, 2013
Applying for work outside my area of residence, posted July 18th, 2013, 1 comment
My Weekend Wore Me Out, posted July 15th, 2013
My Inner Smart-*** Wants to Wish Everyone A Merry Christmas. Sorry., posted December 16th, 2012, 2 comments
I'm Learning to Hate My First Dump of The Day, posted December 15th, 2012, 1 comment
I Have My Work Cut Out For Me, posted December 9th, 2012, 2 comments
Sleeping Through The Night, posted November 28th, 2012, 2 comments
Oh! How unfairly distracting this site has become., posted November 25th, 2012
The movie "Lincoln", posted November 21st, 2012
Broken Hearted, posted November 14th, 2012, 1 comment
More Groups To Belong To -- Yayy!!, posted October 6th, 2012, 1 comment
Getting some of the chores done on my day off, posted September 18th, 2012, 1 comment
My little toes, posted September 2nd, 2012, 1 comment
The darkness is coming, posted August 31st, 2012, 1 comment
Time to clean up my clutter, posted August 31st, 2012
Out of hand parties by people who never grew up, posted August 11th, 2012
The title said it almost, posted August 1st, 2012
Find someone hot and sexy near you, posted December 31st, 2011
Just a friendly reminder . . ., posted December 27th, 2011
This freakin' cold, posted December 26th, 2011
What happens when UnderEli hits autopilot to get through the last hours at work, posted December 14th, 2011
At the second-hand record store, posted December 2nd, 2011, 2 comments
Make this snowblower yours, posted November 29th, 2011
Nit-picking; looking at sex from a couple steps back, posted January 24th, 2011
Budgeting, posted January 21st, 2011
A video for the group "I Shaved My Vagina Today", posted January 2nd, 2011
Back to work this morning, posted November 29th, 2010
Oh, hell!, posted November 25th, 2010
Encouraging myself, posted November 25th, 2010, 2 comments
Went for a long walk today, posted November 21st, 2010
November 19, 2010 -- quite the evening, posted November 20th, 2010, 2 comments
Simply worn out, posted November 14th, 2010
Terrible way to end a perfect day, posted November 11th, 2010
Making an effort to make myself happy again., posted November 8th, 2010
Don't feel inspired to share anything here right now., posted November 3rd, 2010
Little things to help my day along, posted October 30th, 2010
First closing shift at Esso took too long, posted October 30th, 2010
Oct. 24-25, posted October 25th, 2010
I'm not good at being bad, but not too bad at being good., posted October 21st, 2010
what?, posted October 12th, 2010
Gearing myself up for disappointment., posted October 12th, 2010, 2 comments
Want to Meet (fill in the blank) singles?, posted October 9th, 2010
E.P. Housework, posted October 5th, 2010
I am so relieved!!, posted September 24th, 2010, 1 comment
What a tiring day!, posted September 21st, 2010
Facing some tough choices., posted September 19th, 2010
That was different, posted September 18th, 2010
1-50 of 79 Blog Posts   

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